It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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