I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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