I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
