Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize