YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
