I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
