Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't notice because vodka
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
