I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Even my vagina gasped.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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