I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
