Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
