I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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