i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
