soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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