Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
