hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize