My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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