The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize