Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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