i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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