I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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