Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
