brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
