I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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