i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
