Yo dont text me then not text me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
