True but thats because hes a fetus.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize