then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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