My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
