I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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