As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
