First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
