I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
