I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
