i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
