Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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