so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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