Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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