i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what day is it and did you see me today?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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