My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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