so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize