Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
