i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
