oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
