it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
