Jerry, you need to find god
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
