I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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