Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
