remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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