She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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