I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
