So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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