i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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