Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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