I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
