God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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