I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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