your thong is hanging out like whoa
You just made me feel so damn special
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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