yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
