Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
