you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You are a genius and a whore.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
