hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
