Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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