8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
