Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
