I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My ATM looks so different sober.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
